Authenticity & Adapting: Not a Mixed Message

Authenticity makes the top of the list in survey after survey of what traits employees value in leadership. Followers want to know the “true” self of their leaders as this inspires trust in today’s landscape. At the same time, effective leaders are ones that adapt and flex to better connect with their team members.

I’ve often seen this cause some confusion amongst curious leaders as it appears to be a mixed message. I have to admit, it’s caused a little confusion for myself as well. As I’m trying to discover and present my authentic self, I’m also trying new behaviors that initially feel awkward (and fake), but will lead to better communication and being more approachable. Where is the REAL ME??

Recently, while reading, Drop the Rock, by Bill P., Todd W. and Sara S., I came across a definition that beautifully put these two concepts together:

“Authenticity is being true to a vision and purpose. We are authentic when we choose to act and feel and choose to behave in balance with the higher values and principles we’ve chosen for our lives. If those principles and values are not fully in place and manifested, it doesn’t make us phony. It makes us human.” - pg 10

Let’s break it down:

“Authenticity is being true to a vision and purpose.”

This implies, that as a leader, we’ve taken the time to paint a vision for ourselves. While working with emerging leaders, I have found it powerful to build leadership statements that combines passions, personal values, alignment with an organization’s mission and personal strengths.

Impactful visions are intentionally aspirational and HUGE!

They are also shared with the team. Sharing our visions with others, especially those we lead, models the growth mindset that is vital to constant improvement. This communication may make us feel vulnerable, but it is only by becoming vulnerable that we are able to grow. Our team will provide most of the lessons, so why not let them in on what we are striving for?

“We are authentic when we choose to act and feel and choose to behave in balance with the higher values and principles we’ve chosen for our lives.”

The connection between feel, act, and behave brings in Emotional Intelligence. Developing the practice of pausing to identify what we are feeling, creates that self-awareness. Knowing we have the ability to choose how to act and behave in any given situation, we are able to self manage.

Knowing our vision is aspirational, trying new, possibly awkward behaviors is vital for growth. For instance, if we discover that we need to flex up more “social” behaviors with our team, knowing that it will lead to being an influential leader, it is not “fake”. Rather, we are tapping into a piece of ourselves that is definitely “real”.

It is to be expected some of our attempts may really feel and be fake. Think of it like we are shopping for a new pair of jeans. We know what we want, but we need to try on several pairs in order to find the right fit. It can be a frustrating process, but when we find the right fit, it is oh so nice!

“If those principles and values are not fully in place and manifested, it doesn’t make us phony. It makes us human.”

Let’s face it, as humans we mess up from time to time. This is where humility and resilience come in. One of my favorite definitions of humility is:

A clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.

So to discover the our true selves, it’s important to take time and reflect on our progress. Eliciting feedback from those we lead and constantly course correcting is how we know we are being authentic and showing our true selves.

Popeye was famous for saying, “I y’am what I y’am”, and we was partially right. He is also what he could become. Being authentic is not about presenting the stone statue of ourselves, but rather where we are in the molding clay.

Adapting and flexing our behaviors is part of the process of being authentic. Feeling awkward and fake provides us with feedback and is part of the trial and error necessary.

Venture Inward:

• What are your passions, values and strengths that bring to your leadership?

• Reflect on the connection between your emotions and your behavior. What triggers lead to potentially negative reactions.

Excel Forward:

• Craft your Leadership Statement that captures your vision as a leader. Make sure to go BIG!

• Share your Leadership Statement with others and request specific feedback.

• Create the habit of pausing when triggered, counting 10 (yes, 10) breathes and respond with a productive behavior.

If you are interested in exploring your leadership style with research-based, validated behavioral assessments, or have any questions, let’s talk!