Managing Frustration and Defeat: Lessons from the Surf
It was finally happening. Learning to surf had been on my bucket list for many years and here I was standing on the shore of Playa Blanca in Costa Rica, board in hand, ready to paddle out. Javier, my Tico instructor, explained that we could play in the white water, but would have a much better experience if we paddle beyond the break. He warned that it would require some effort. We were in.
The next 45 minutes consisted of A LOT of paddling, full faced blasts of saltwater, followed by a failed attempt and then…more paddling. Literally rinse and repeat. Each time, Javier encouraged from beyond the break, “Paddle Karin! Paddle!” Once I reached him, he continued to give me coaching and set me up for my next attempt. Finally, I felt the thrill of success, as I stood up and rode my first wave in! That was followed by several more failed attempts.
The lesson was scheduled to last an hour, but I began to feel VERY tired. My body was exhausted and not quite responding to Javier’s encouragement. Quite simply, I was toast! That’s when the inner dialogue began: “Maybe I’m just too old for this”; “What was I thinking?”; “How am I going to make it for the next 15 minutes?”; “What if I wind up getting hurt because I suck so much?” Frustration and defeat had taken hold.
I paddled to Javier and explained a little over dramatically, “I’m really tired, I don’t know if I can keep this up any longer.” His sun tanned face paused, looked at me matter of factly and responded calmly, “Yes, that is to be expected.” Suddenly my experience was right sized.
I pull on Javier’s response time and time again when the frustration of what I’m experiencing as defeat sets in. It allows me to create the realistic narrative and respond appropriately. The same can be done in the areas of leadership.
Great leaders consistently develop their skills by facing and working through obstacles and challenges. Effective communication requires repeated attempts at differentiating approaches based on individuals and circumstances. Developing talent through effective feedback and coaching involves vigilance and fine tuning. Managing tasks and leading people can feel like a never ending juggling act.
Adding in additional factors such as change initiatives, employee turnaround and being short staffed only adds fuel to the fire.
Along this journey, leaders are constantly required to keep paddling. The thrill of isolated successes propels them forward and eventually they become more frequent. Also, exhaustion can set in. Let’s face it, sometimes we are just toast.
In those times, a pause, a matter of fact mindset and a calm realization that “this is to be expected” can right size the situation and allow us to release from a self defeating mindset and approach.
Venture Inward:
Tune into the reactions your body and mind exhibit when triggered by feelings of frustration or defeat.
Pause and take realistic stock of the situation at hand. What are the challenges before you and what resources, skills and talents do you currently have to meet them?
Calmly tell yourself, “This is to be expected”. Accept the reality of the situation.
Excel Forward
For yourself and your team, acknowledge the successes and growth demonstrated in the present moment.
For yourself and your team, identify next steps needed to develop talents and skills necessary. This is where a mentor or coach is particularly helpful.
For yourself and your team, recognize when it is necessary to take a break and recharge.
Utilizing this process is one technique in developing greater Emotional Intelligence. Increasing our self awareness of our emotions and how they impact our decisions, allows us to respond to our environment, rather than react.
Emotional Intelligence highly impacts the effectiveness of our leadership. Contact us today to learn how you might develop this vital component in your organization’s leadership.