“May I Offer You Some Feedback?”
This question sparks a variety of initial responses in us all. Much is dependent on who is asking , when the question is being asked and how we are feeling about ourselves and our performance at the time. Most likely, the Ego will want to immediately respond, “No, I’m good!” But let’s face it, we are receiving feedback ALL THE TIME. Data in the form of body language, facial expression, tonation, and responses (or lack of responses) is streaming at us and our brains, being the overactive problem solvers that they are, are creating stories. Knowing that, why not be proactive about receiving feedback and increase the likelihood of getting the most helpful interpretation?
#1 Set Your Foundation in a Growth Mindset.
Carol Dweck’s 2006 book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, stresses the power our mindset can have on how we respond to feedback. A quick summary: Individuals who believe their talents can be developed (through hard work, good strategies, and input from others) have a growth mindset. Those with a more fixed mindset, believe their talents are innate gifts.
Truth is, we do not live in either mindset 100% of the time. As Dweck explains in her 2016 HBR article, What Having a “Growth Mindset” Actually Means, we all have our own fixed-mindset triggers. Having self awareness around what our triggers are, enables us to recognize and “pivot” in the moment these are activated.
For instance, some of us, suffer from a bit of perfectionism. We put unrealistic expectations on ourselves as to what our competency level should be at any time in our career. With this belief, we lack the humility to see feedback as a gift helping us along the road. Right sizing our expectations on a regular basis, recognizing strengths and growth along the way and setting goals for our next step will not only open ourselves up to feedback, but motivate us to seek out trusted informants.
#2 Know How You Like to Receive Feedback
This was one of the most unexpected and perplexing questions my new manager asked me when I started at Vail Resorts. In my 30 year career, no one had ever asked me to share how I prefer to receive feedback. I had to get back to her on that one after some reflection and first hand experience being in the receiver seat.
I discovered I prefer a “workshop” approach. I do appreciate genuine praise and sincere recognition of what is going well as an opening. From there, I like the tables to be turned on me with an open ended question that puts me in the problem solving seat. For example, “How did you come to choose that topic for the workshop? How did you gather information from the audience beforehand?” (true feedback). In this way, I see my own failings and the air is open to discussing how that may be different in the future.
For some, this approach is not a great fit. Some prefer a direct approach with no fluff: tell me what I need to change and how to change it. Others appreciate humor with the delivery to lighten the tone. A conversational style fits the bill for those more relationship oriented, while those more task oriented may prefer some type of written communication and time to digest before discussion. Whatever the preference, knowing yours, allows you to either advocate for the delivery you want, or adapt in the moment when you realize the delivery is causing you more grief than the information.
#3 Don’t Take It Personally
The first step in executing this is to acknowledge that it really is personal. Let’s face it, emotions are involved and the feedback is directed at YOU. That doesn’t mean we have to take it to our core. Imagine the information is coming in as a big tangled ball of string.
Mixed in the ball is factual data, human perceptions (both others and your own); situational circumstances and a bunch of old tapes within you (and them). Your job is to untangle the strings to pull out the gold (it's in there). When we are grounded in our purpose, our values and have set realistic goals for ourselves, we can use these as the sorting bins of what is given attention and what is discarded.
A word of caution, the best feedback can be information about a blind spot. Before you hastily disregard a piece of feedback, be sure you have honestly given it objective investigation. If you are unsure or find yourself wanting to put blinders on, seek additional feedback from those you trust and know will be honest with you.
Receiving feedback can be one of the most difficult interactions to manage and one of the most impactful on our growth. Being intentional on preparing ourselves for this gift and practicing the self regulation of emotions that can stem from this experience allows us to be proactive in the never ending stream.
Venture Inward
Regularly journal on your own PLUS/DELTA reflections. Make sure to mark talents and strengths and set realistic goals for future growth.
Go back through your feedback experiences and note which were positively impactful in your development. What made them effective? Define your preferences for receiving feedback.
Practice naming emotions and feelings that arise when you are receiving formal or informal feedback. What stories have you attached to the person? the information? the situation? Reframe those stories.
Excel Forward
Share your goals and next steps with those around you and ask for regular specific feedback on behaviors.
Be proactive in sharing your feedback preferences and encourage those around you to share theirs. Honor what’s shared by adapting your style in delivering feedback to them.
Practice delivering feedback to others. Focus on positive recognition and curiosity to build relationships built on trust and mutual support.
Emerging leaders consistently point to delivering and receiving feedback as one of the greatest challenges in building a high performing team.
At KL Palmer Consulting, we help leaders and teams assess their current culture in providing feedback, create a vision for their future and cultivate skills to make that happen.
Contact us today to help your team thrive.