Growth Mindset: Trudging Through the Discomfort of Growing Pains
Remember waking up abruptly in adolescence to shooting pains searing through your legs? Not a pleasant memory. Running to the one that could, “make it all better”, we were told that those were growing pains, a sign that our bodies were developing as they should and that all was well. We just needed to trudge through the discomfort, knowing it was necessary.
Today, we recognize the value of a “growth mindset” as opposed to a “fixed mindset”. Carol Dweck’s groundbreaking research, captured in her 2006 book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, has led to numerous evolutions of thought and practice in leadership, education, sports and parenting. Adopting a growth mindset, one in which an individual believes intelligence can be developed, leads to actions of embracing challenges, persisting in the face of setbacks and learning from criticism. It is an essential component to reaching ever-higher levels of achievement.
Applying a growth mindset may seem to be a simple choice. Like a light switch that just needs to be flipped in order to reap the benefits. Ah, if it were only that simple. Truth is, most of us live in the murky existence of both mindsets, especially if we are “fixed mindset” converts. In the face of new challenges, the choice to remain in a growth mindset needs to be made over and over. This process comes with a variety of “growing pains”. Just like those midnight shockers from our childhood, we need to learn to work through the discomfort.
Currently, I am taking on the new challenge of becoming a Dale Carnegie Trainer. This aligns with my goals of helping people grow and reach their personal successes. The process requires I not only learn new concepts and methodologies, but change some of my established habits. All good and necessary stuff. And along the way, are the pains of growing…
The first pains came with approaching the challenge, a paradox of thoughts and emotions. I was excited about learning something in line with my values and the thought of sharing it with others. I knew it was going to take time, persistence and patience; a group I still didn’t have exactly a “loving” relationship with. I viewed them like vegetables, necessary, good for me, but I’d still rather have french fries. The critic stepped up, “Aren’t you a little old for this? Do you really NEED to do this? Why not just retire early and garden?” Trudging through the discomfort looked like a focus on living in the moment. Taking it in day tight compartments (thanks Mr. Carnegie) and doing just what was in front of me. Constantly I made the choice to feed the good dog and move forward.
Next, I was in it; assisting in a live class and utilizing one of the methodologies for the first time. It felt sticky and unnatural, like when I switched from skiing to snowboarding. I wanted to do it right, because that’s what my perfectionism told me was the sign of success. Thinking of my performance as an archery tournament, there were no bull’s eyes, some of my arrows hit somewhere on the target, and a lot were way off the board. Yes, that is to be expected. After class, I received feedback from the instructor. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty direct and felt harsh.
The next few days required a lot of trudging and constant re-choosing. The bipartisan committee convened in my head. One party represented the ego. It had its lawyers, critics, whiners, and prize fighters either beating up the instructor or myself, all supporting a false reality. Fixed mindset at play. The other party represented the untethered soul. There was the voice of reason, honesty and reality expressing gratitude for the feedback and a willingness to see opportunity. Both sides constantly fought for airtime. The comedian Mark Lundholm, describes the members of the committee perfectly in his stage routine. Meditative dog walks and phone conversations with my support team allowed me to sift through the noise, separating what was useful to move forward and trashing what was bullshit. Again, this was uncomfortable AND necessary. The choice to trudge through it was made again and again.
These are only two examples of the growing pains I’ve experienced so far. They aren’t the only ones and I trust there will be many more. Having a growth mindset does not protect us from discomfort that comes with new challenges and opportunities. In fact, part of having a growth mindset is appreciating the gift of struggle, acknowledging that it is an integral part. Knowing ourselves, what our “triggers” are and who’s on the committee in our head allows us to find strategies to trudge through the discomfort. Spending time discovering those parts or ourselves is an investment towards making those constant choices along the way. If you are interested in exploring your own behavior preferences & internal motivators and how they impact your mindset during growth spurts, please contact me.